Managing Emotions

From a very young age we start learning about the world around us. We learn language that helps us to communicate. We learn how to crawl, then walk and run. We learn how to navigate relationships and soon enough we're learning all sorts of subjects in the school setting too. What is often neglected is learning about the world within us. Seldom are we given the time, space or resources to understand how our emotions impact our thoughts and behaviour and vice versa. I find this really hard to believe because while we will all have different life experiences, come from different families, hold different values, cultures and beliefs- the one thing we all have in common across the world is that we all experience emotions- and yet, we're rarely taught how to manage them.

Why is it important that we learn how to manage emotions?

Emotions are a big part of our lives. Everyone experiences them every single day without exception. The research around emotions tell us:

• People who score higher on emotional intelligence (EQ) are more successful even when they score lower on IQ (intelligence quotient).

• Emotional intelligence allows us create stronger social bonds, develop empathy and communicate more effectively

• Being emotionally intelligent also helps us deal with stressful situations, changes and challenges we may face in our day to day lives

• By understanding our emotions, we're better able to manage and regulate them, and this helps us build up our resilience
  

But what is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional Intelligence is our ability to:

• Name, Notice and Navigate our emotions

1. Noticing Our Emotions

The first step in building our EQ is to notice when an emotion comes up, and understanding what it feels like both in your body as well as how it influences the sorts of thoughts you might have.

For example, you might have had a fight with a friend, and as a result start to feel angry. You may notice you're getting angry because you feel your muscles getting tense, a tightening in your chest, perhaps you're clenching your jaw or your first- this will look different for everyone. You might also notice, that your thoughts start to change- whereas you might have been calm initially, you notice you're thoughts are now more intense and no longer neutral or positive.

Action point: Take a moment to ask yourself how you experience different emotions in your mind and body so you can start to recognise them more easily. Use the sheet below. You can download it here

2. Naming Emotions

When we're accurately able to name/label and emotion, it helps to tame it! This phenomenon has to do with both the left and right sides of our brain working together and taking a "whole brain" approach to the situation at hand or the emotion you're experiencing.

Action point: Next time you're dealing with an emotion, try to find the correct label for it.

Using the example above- after a fight with a friend we may initially feel anger, but upon further reflection, maybe the emotion is actually something else- irritation, feeling misunderstood, sadness. Try to understand what the emotion you're feeling really is, and if you need help with that, you can try using this feeling wheel from GoZEN

Remember, there's no right or wrong way to feel!

3. Navigating Emotions

Now that you have a better understanding of how you feel, where you feel it and how those feelings are influencing your thoughts- it's time to figure out how you can navigate those emotions. This means that rather than letting the emotion control you, you learn how to control those emotions. That doesn't mean you want to shove the emotion aside, or pretend it doesn't exist- in fact, we want to embrace the feeling and then understand what to do next so that we don't get stuck in that feeling for too long. Being stuck in a feeling for long periods of time can be difficult and make it harder for us to deal with them.

Using the Zones of Regulation sheet below, take a moment to understand which emotions belong to each zone. Once you're clear on this, ask yourself what would help you feel better. Tip: Remember, while we want to try and be in the green zone as much as we can- this isn't always possible. However, we can learn strategies that can help us get closer to green- and those strategies will be unique to each of us. What might work for you, may not work for your parents, siblings or friends. We each need to understand our own emotions and needs.

Resources For Students:

• Noticing The Impact of Emotions on the Mind and Body:

• GoZen Feeling Wheel:

• Zones of Regulation:
  

Resources for Teachers/ Parents:

Teachers can use the resources above with students in their classrooms or children at home- and modify them for those that are younger/older. (However, please do not modify the original documents).

If you're interested on reading more about emotional intelligence and the power of building EQ in the classroom, see below:

• Book: Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman: https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Intelligence-Matter-More-Than/dp/055338371X

• What You Think About Your Emotions Matters: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/what_you_think_about_your_emotions_matters

• How to Strengthen Your Child’s Emotional Intelligence: https://www.gottman.com/blog/strengthen-childs-emotional-intelligence/

• Emotional intelligence: why it matters and how to teach it: https://www.theguardian.com/teacher-network/2017/nov/03/emotional-intelligence-why-it-matters-and-how-to-teach-it
  

If you're interested in learning more about how to bring emotional intelligence into your classroom or home, get in touch! I offer Workshops for schools, teachers, parents and children.